Zen Sex – The Way of Making Love

Zen Sex by Philip Toshio Sudo is a wonderful meditation on directing love to another, self-love, and surprisingly, the teaching of Zen. Published in 2000, I had purchased the book among a pile of other Zen texts (the actual writings of Zen Masters) when visiting a favourite used book store with my wife nineteen years later. I grabbed Zen Sex more for the expected novelty factor of it on the shelf, as I hadn’t expected to take much from its pages as I would with the other books I selected that day. It took a year for me to finally end up reading it, and I must say that I loved the experience, I loved the book, and I loved being wrong. As I laid in bed and read it from cover to cover in one sitting (or laying), I meditated as I flipped through each thoughtful page on Zen, life, and sex.

When I first saw the book, my ignorance expected the standard ‘self-help’ style writing that contains as much ‘Zen’ as the stone statue sold in Wal-Mart, or the calming blend of tea carrying that name, or even that album with the river on the cover featuring a silhouette of a woman in meditation. When I read the back blurb it mentioned Zen koans, and I then expected it to feature the writing of Zen Master Ikkyu, AKA Crazy Cloud. I wasn’t wrong there, Ikkyu’s verse is a thread throughout the book, but there was so much more than I expected, from quotes of Zen Masters such as Joshu, Hui-neng, and Hakuin, to references of scholars such as Joseph Campbell. These materials were not just slapped together, but examined, extrapolated upon, and then beautifully conveyed in eloquent, succinct wording.

Sex and death are intrinsically linked, this connection being brought up in a few chapters, but whilst reading, I was drifting in thoughts on life, both its frailty and beauty. This book offers so much more than its title or cover would convey, and may be one of the top books I’d suggest for someone who has expressed interest in getting started with the study of Zen in general. With the aforementioned Masters referenced and quoted, there would be plenty to investigate from here, along with some helpful pointers by Sudo of the quotes shared should the reader be unfamiliar and have their interest sparked.

Sudo’s writing and materials even gracefully elevated Ikkyu’s verse, which I had previously read years ago in a .PDF which simply put all of his poems together – and in that format, while I understood the reason for his prominence in the context of the tradition, I took little from his words. In the context of Zen Sex, Ikkyu’s prose opened up like a flower bathing in sunlight.

‘We appear as skeletons covered with skin, male and female, and lust after each other. When the breath expires, though, the skin ruptures, sex disappears, and there is no more high or low. Underneath the skin of the person we fondle and caress right now is nothing more than a bare set of bones. Think about it–high and low, young and old, male and female, all the same. . . This is how the world is. Those who have not grasped the world’s impermanence are astonished and terrified by such change. . . Free yourself from form and return to the original ground of being.’ – Ikkyu

Ikkyu is fascinating in the general context of Zen study, especially in contrast to the common image of chaste monks; he was open of homosexual encounters he had in his youth, and would write about masturbation and sex. While his writing consists of what often appears degenerate, brash and silly on the surface, to view it only as such would miss the wisdom and beauty in his words, and miss the meaning behind his penning them. Ikkyu’s red thread metaphor, our bloodline, examines the naturalness of our birth, the natural longing to embrace another, and the normalcy of sexual thought and act. To deny it in order to ‘act Zen’ is to delude oneself more than anything, it is to dissociate from who and what we are.

‘don’t hesitate get laid that’s wisdom
sitting around chanting what crap’ – Ikkyu

I would highly recommend that anyone in a relationship, anyone looking to get into a relationship, or anyone wishing to have a more comprehensive view of life and love to read this book. I’ll surely be reading it again. Something that stuck with me that I wished to share when I had the idea of putting this post up was a quote from the author. Sudo wrote, ‘Familiar as our lover may be to us, we treat each night in the bedroom as special. We do not wait for a diagnosis of cancer to start savoring our lover’s kiss. We do it now. Should tomorrow come, we do it again.’

I was saddened when I googled the author’s name, but also struck more deeply by that passage, having to then sit with it a little. On April 2, 2001, Philip Toshio Sudo had been diagnosed with stomach cancer and passed away just two years after the publication of Zen Sex at the age of 41, leaving behind his wife, and three small children. Here is an interview with Sudo which shared a diary entry from the day of his diagnosis. I’ll end this post with the last lines of that entry.

Love will endure through those whom we have loved.
Life is sorrowful, but to be lived in joy.
‘ – Philip Toshio Sudo

Sudden Enlightenment and Thelema

For the past 4 years Zen Buddhism has taken over as my prominent system of study, and I often find myself in reflection on Thelema as it expedited my understanding and approach of the more sophisticated and/or esoteric aspects of Zen writings and poetry. The difference between the two systems (on the surface) is that Zen is meant to be understood, and therefor approached as the ‘sudden enlightenment’ school of Buddhism – it is the teaching of Buddhism which existed before the scriptures and the sayings, and before the physical birth of the Buddha; it is the understanding outside of the written word. This understanding was passed down through mind-to-mind transmission, which was in essence a Master accepting that their student eventually shared in the understanding. Sadly, Thelema didn’t progress much beyond the writings of Crowley, which is a great shame, as in comparison, Buddhist thinkers and writers span out, cross borders, and leave their lineages abundant new sayings, perspectives and texts to study, which allowed the fleshing out of ideas and concepts for easier comprehension, and a robust rich tradition appealing to all varieties of minds.

With Thelema, you can point out that Aleister Crowley taught that ‘Magick’ is not used in the woo woo sense of the word, but that every intended act, be it reaching for a doorknob, my writing this now, or even your reading this… every intended act is a magical act. The system has concepts such as pure will, and every student (for however long a student) of Thelema will know the axiom, ‘Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law, love is the law, love under will.‘ This is pointing to a consistent practice of awareness, and elsewhere in the writings a student would come across the same matters that another would encounter in studying Zen, namely samadhi, non-duality, emptiness etc. However, Thelema suffers due to its lack of proper lineage, which is quite sad given its tender age. It has been kept alive for the most part by publishers, and academics who prattle about and pick apart this and that. Many online who claim an understanding of Thelema (that may be legitimate) could have read a few Crowley quotes, or a book or two and find resonance with the system, getting the gist of the teaching – in Buddhism, this is paralleled, where monks or students hear a single line of a sutra and attain an instant realization. In the Buddhist tradition this would be chocked up to having studied in a past life and having the realization in the current life as a fruit of those past life actions. One may understand Thelema and state so, though there would be sticklers of Passage X, or Book Y, and Academic Z’s work ready to dismiss them, but all of this is play fencing and intellectual posturing. Though to be fair, there is more than just understanding the teaching, there is the required cultivation of the Great Work. While there may be shared appreciation in Thelema for Crowley’s writing and teachings, there’s seldom a shared appreciation in shared understanding, and shared cultivation.

On the other hand, there are those who will claim magick is all about spirits, god forms, angels, demons, correspondences and rituals, though if asked to point out successful magicians of this craft, they’re likely to point at writers who regurgitated these matters and made a pretty penny in so doing. I’d compare them to one who offers a service crafting custom maps that lead to treasures, though when asked what treasures they’ve obtained from the pursuit, the map maker points to their padded bank account and their expensive jewellery, living off having successfully sold thousands of maps for a good fortune. Their misdirection would be funny, if it wasn’t also tragic. That Crowley contributed to the Goetia, and wrote about various rituals and evocations, unfortunately this is all some pin-point as their focus and this conceptualization of magic is then presented as the whole work of Thelema, when it couldn’t be farther from the truth. This deceptive image is what oozed out into the mainstream and will likely be what comes to the mind of another who hears of one’s interest in Crowley, or Thelema. I’m of the perspective that such rituals are black.

The Book of the Law states in Chapter 2, verse 6: “I am the flame that burns in every heart of man, and in the core of every star. I am Life, and the giver of Life, yet therefore is the knowledge of me the knowledge of death.” The knowledge of death is awareness of impermanence. In Buddhism it is known as the doctrine of dependent origination. Knowing dependent origination, one maintains awareness in the present moment and consider their actions in the light of this understanding. In Buddhism there is the concept of ‘no-self’, which a part of the emptiness, non-dual transcendence doctrine (Prajñāpāramitā) which is echoed in Thelema. For example the Book of the Law states, ‘Nothing is a secret key of this law’ and ‘The Perfect and the Perfect are one Perfect and not two; nay, are none!’ This ties into dependent origination, which if unfamiliar, is that everything is empty of self because everything arises in dependence of another thing. Nothing, including yourself, myself, or any reader is independent because everything is dependent. Because everything arises in dependence of a cause, it is considered empty of self existence, as all is transient. With ‘the knowledge of death’ (nirvana), one can realize the root of their causality, of their current conditioning, and return back into the pure Nothing that they are. Put more beautifully in the Book of the Law,Since I am Infinite Space, and the Infinite Stars thereof, do ye also thus. Bind nothing! Let there be no difference made among you between any one thing & any other thing; for thereby there cometh hurt.’

To act as this ‘non-self’ and to act in accordance with the ‘dharma’ or flow of life, is called Wu Wei, or to be doing non-doing, or it is said that such one’s actions are done in samadhi. This classification of doing is usually attributed to the compassionate bodhisattva class (those who act in accordance with the dharma, who possess the three bodies of the buddha and who manifest the fruits of the triple gem; true speech, true thought, true action). This could be paralleled to the pure will of Thelema. Aleister Crowley wrote in The Stag Beetle that to transcend the sense of individuality, one can find union through love, and states that one should ‘Die daily’, even further providing the note that the Master is urging his pupils to practice samadhi every day. Again we can draw reference to a Zen Master, such as Bankei Yotaku’s teaching who wrote, ‘Die—then live day and night within the world. Once you’ve done this, then you can hold the world right in your hand!’

Back to sudden enlightenment! Zen was set up as the ‘sudden enlightenment’ school opposed to gradual enlightenment. This is mostly a theatrical division, but this matter of sudden and gradual enlightenment serves a greater purpose in dealing with the different minds that approach the system of Buddhism. Zen Master Zongmi explored various combinations and they can be usefully summed up as: (1) gradual cultivation followed by sudden enlightenment is like gradually chopping down a tree until it suddenly falls, (2) sudden cultivation followed by gradual enlightenment is like immediately discerning a target and then gradually learning how to hit it with an arrow, (3) gradual cultivation and gradual enlightenment is like ascending a tower with the vista expanding with each upward step, (4) sudden enlightenment and sudden cultivation is rare and depends upon gradual cultivation in a past life, and (5) sudden enlightenment followed by gradual cultivation is like an infant who is born with all their limbs, but must slowly learn how to use them.

Zen has the helpful pointer of the four elements (also found in Thelema) which the body is comprised of. Zen Master Chinul looked at sudden awakening and said that ‘when the ordinary man is deluded, he assumes the four great elements are his body and the false thoughts are his mind. He does not know that his own nature is the true dharma-body; [dharmakaya] he does not know that his numinous awareness is the true buddha. He looks for the buddha outside his mind. While he is thus wandering aimlessly, the entrance to the road might by chance be pointed out by a wise adviser. If in one thought he then follows back the light of his mind to its source and sees his own original nature, he will discover that the ground of this nature is innately free of defilement, and that he himself is originally endowed with the non-outflow wisdom-nature which is not a hair’s breadth different from that of all the buddhas. Hence it is called sudden awakening.‘ While this awakening takes place suddenly, habit-energies are extremely difficult to remove suddenly, so they must then continue to cultivate while relying on the awakening, which is why it’s called gradual cultivation.

Realizing however that ‘mind is Buddha’ (a common Zen saying) is pointing to the space element in the center of the four great elements, which is also represented by Vairocana Buddha. For reference, search out a mapping of the Five Conquerors, also known as the Five Wisdom Buddhas. The Book of the Law states, ‘I am unique & conqueror. I am not of the slaves that perish. Be they damned & dead! Amen. (This is of the 4: there is a fifth who is invisible, & therein am I as a babe in an egg.)‘ The five wisdom buddhas also represent the trikaya or three-body theory of buddhahood which will be examined in future posts. I bring them up here, as for sustenance, the trikaya relies on the triple gem; Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha which then enables the true speech, true thought and true actions.

In Zen one realizes their mind is the Buddha (enlightened), the Dharma 法 (translated as Law, for example: 法の書 is the Book of the Law) is the principle teaching which one takes refuge in to attain that realization, and the Sangha is the community who share in this understanding and from it spread the dharma and alleviate the suffering of others with their great work. As Crowley wrote in Berashith, ‘On mature consideration, therefore, I confidently and deliberately take my refuge in the Triple Gem.’ Unfortunately, Thelema’s sangha is… seemingly non-existent. Sure, there are forums of discord and arm flailing, and there is the Order, though it is in disarray and would be more aptly named the Disorder. There are arguments over who took up the mantle for Crowley, there is debate and discussion over who possesses the rightful robe and bowl, or should I say wand and chalice, there is finger pointing over whose lineage is legitimate or not… yet there is no fruitful demonstrations of anything beyond academic work, childish play, posturing, and incessant in-fighting. They all disqualify themselves from the conversation of authentic lineage as soon as they speak. This lineage question is not even that important either, as lineage and transmissions in traditions historically have not been legitimate, take much of the mind-to-mind transmission in the Asian Buddhist traditions, and with research you find many are fabrications. This was done for the schools to legitimize themselves to government, etc. Does this make their resulting understanding false? Does this turn the fruit rotten? Does it render its teachers and students fraudulent? When one erects a teaching that accords with the truth, they take up the dharma right where they are, and if they can demonstrate that they share in the Buddha’s understanding, they create from then on a legitimate lineage from where they stand. Is Aleister Crowley One? Can no one understand?

I stand firm in desiring the existence of a sudden enlightenment school of Thelema. My favourite style of Zen writing is the koan or case studies, they are, in my opinion, the epitome of the sudden enlightenment tradition. I look to forge my own Thelemic sangha online, where others can transmute the truths in Crowley’s teachings into unique koan style cases for easier promulgation and study. I’ve already initiated that work and will share my progress with its creation here. For example, please read the case of Initiation, also known as Ctenodiscus Crispatus. It utilizes a teaching of Aleister Crowley on the Great Work and initiation, he wrote ‘The uninitiated is a ‘Dark Star’, and the Great Work for him is to make his veils transparent by ‘purifying’ them.‘ Crowley states that one is innately perfect, or pure, but our complexes may muddy us. Zen Master Yangqi said to an assembly, ‘When body and mind are pure, objects are pure; when objects are pure, body and mind are pure. Do you know what I’m getting at? The coin that was lost in the river must be retrieved from the river.’ The Thelemic source material is ripe for the picking, and concepts such as the HGA (holy guardian angel), crossing the abyss, evocations and invocations, and the Thelemic Qabalah all could use an obliteration in a device as useful and effective as the koan.

May you find it accords with your will to participate, or at least read along. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the dharma law, love is the dharma law, love under will.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with this verse from the discourses of Zen Master Wuyi Yuanlai,

‘The Masters of ancient times said:
Bravely let go
On the edge of the cliff.
Throw yourself into the Abyss
With decision and courage.
You only revive after death.
Verily, this is the Truth!’

Ctenodiscus Crispatus

This exchange has been given the name Ctenodiscus Crispatus, but is sometimes referred to as Initiation.

The Case:

The Master sat under a fig tree where he oversaw an aspirant tending the garden.

Covered in mud, the aspirant approached the Master. He spread his arms and legs wide, asking, ‘what should be my name?’

‘Ctenodiscus Crispatus,’ replied the Master.

‘And should you try to number me?’

The Master got up and tapped the aspirant’s head, hands and feet with his wand, intoning ‘one, two, three, four, five’ as it touched upon each spot.

‘Where is six?’

‘Unite with it.’

‘Why don’t you initiate me?’

Wiping the mud off the aspirant, the Master said, ‘there!’

As a result of the Master saying this, the aspirant was suddenly awakened.

The Comment:

5, Microcosm, Pentagram, Man… 6, Macrocosm, Hexagram, Universe.

“We are not to regard ourselves as base beings, without whose sphere is Light or ‘God’. Our minds and bodies are veils of the Light within. The uninitiated is a ‘Dark Star’, and the Great Work for him is to make his veils transparent by ‘purifying’ them. This ‘purification’ is really ‘simplification’; it is not that the veils are dirty, but that the complexity of its folds makes it opaque. The Great Work therefore consists principally in the solution of complexes. Everything in itself is perfect, but when things are muddled, they become ‘evil’.” – Aleister Crowley


Below is an explanation to free one from thinking of the above.

Sakyamuni Buddha (Gautama) attained his awakening under a fig tree, later known as the Tree of Awakening, the Bodhi Fig Tree, or the Bo Tree. In the case the Master sits under such a tree implicating his attainment of Buddhahood, or enlightenment.

Whether or not the aspirant was covered in mud, or was just dirty from tending the garden, the Master (as in Zen Master) is prompted to give a magical or initiatory name, a sobriquet or alias to use within the Master’s system (Boulema). The Master solidifies the overall lesson of their exchange in this case by bestowing the name Ctenodiscus Crispatus, also known as a ‘mud star’.

The aspirant responds by asking for their number, maybe looking for the Gematria value of their name for later inquiry (as often given to aspirants in initiatory orders for contemplation), or they may be quipping about their designated name, comparing it to becoming a prisoner, to being dehumanized in its issuing. Why not just be given the name ‘Sloppy Complicated Mess’?

The Master evades the aspirant’s questioning, and utilizing spontaneous playful samadhi, gets up and taps the aspirant on each point of their ‘star’ with the wand, intoning the numbers one to five with each contact. The aspirant prods for a sixth touch, perhaps not seeing the teaching, or in jest is asking for contact with their erogenous zone. The comment on this case offers all the elucidation we require; five is the microcosm, six is the macrocosm. Unite the five with the six. Abide as the Unborn, the Master urges. As above, so below.

In asking for initiation, the aspirant’s line can be read a number of ways. With a tone of sarcasm they may be asking for the Master to make the whole situation clear for them. Or, they may be begging for tutelage from the Master, asking desperately and plainly to be initiated… Perhaps having asked prior for initiation into the Master’s school, though having been denied and sent away to work in the garden.

Aleister Crowley’s writing points to the etymology of initiation, which he highlights as meaning a journeying inwards. As with the Buddhist practice where one turns the light of awareness around, from misconceptions regarding the nature of reality as being external, to kenshō, which is “directly see one’s own nature”, where ken means “seeing”, shō means “nature, essence”. The Master physically wipes the dirt, mud, and defilement from the aspirant, and in so doing, claims to have done an initiation. Was the act entirely physical? Do you see only the outward appearances?

‘There,’ the Master proclaims. Truly, what more of a ritual does this aspirant expect, or more importantly what more do they require? How many degrees, or formal rituals must they go through before they become an Ipsissimus, the highest rank in the Order? Ipsissimus if we inspect it etymologically means ‘Innermost Source/Self’. The Master in his generosity and patience, guided the aspirant to their realization.


The above is a case in a work currently being undertaken titled ‘βούλημα Ligō, the Book of Binding and Undoing’, which will be compiled as a Thelemic koan collection.

Don’t Be Boaring

It is a challenge to get back into the flow of things when you have spent so long in cessation. I used to pride myself on my drive to post frequent articles on this website, when I took to overthinking what I was writing and got caught up in wishing to deliver a message to an audience that I couldn’t quite fathom or figure out through the mist and phantoms of my mind. Frustrations settled in so I took pause… that pause turned into a stop. Days, weeks, months, and then years went by without striving to break through that mental block, without the ability to get back on that proverbial horse.

Finally, Covid-19 hit, I found myself at home and with ample time to re-enter the stream, though a few obstacles were inflated as to provide a reason to remain in stasis. For example, the old template I had made required each article or post to have a large header image, which I had fun designing, but to save money during this pandemic I had cancelled my Adobe subscription thus losing the means to create visually appetizing works. I finally changed the site layout to one that wouldn’t require images, and told myself not to stress so much about the text material being placed on the website… I mean, I have been paying for it all these years, would I want to resume in watching days go by and have the site sitting idle, nothing but a costly waste? It was silliness. I was being silly. If someone wishes to read these posts, they will. If I am writing to myself, well, I can use this as a record book of thoughts and ideas and draw upon it for future projects. There is no harm in putting these words here.

When in that lazy apathetic mode, I find life can slip away and days feel like they wash over in an instant. You arise, eat, do something, do another thing, eat again and then it’s nightfall, you feel unaccomplished and push those feelings down, or shut them off in mind pacification or indulgent entertainment. Writing used to be my daily ritual, and I’d like to get back to it, or something close to it at least. With such structure in place the rest of my actions fall into a sorting system where they are enacted based on requirement, situation and want, though all are enacted with greater intent. Gone is the lackadaisical pissing about.

“What’s the harm in doing nothing? It’s good to get rest.” Sure, when tired, rest! Though when tired of being bored… do something with intent, and do it often. I recently read a Buddhist story on this matter of intention. It was about a monk up in the mountains who happened to be wandering about his property. Mindlessly, he picked up a rock and threw it over a fence, unaware that out of sight the rock would make an impact with the skull of a bird as it hopped through the grass. It was killed on the spot, unbeknownst to the monk. If unfamiliar with the story, you may now beginning to think that the monk later discovered the birdie corpse, predictably giving it then a burial and repenting for his actions, even reciting the name of Amitabha Buddha chanting ‘Namu Amida Butsu’ (nianfo) but no! The bird was reborn as a boar, and a long while later, the boar ascended that very mountain, and while mindlessly wandering about it had knocked a boulder loose. The boulder rolled off a cliff-edge, falling upon the monk’s hut, resulting in one crushed, dead monk.

While I’d hope that my being boring with the mindless couch dwelling, snacking, thumb twiddling and days in a daze wouldn’t karmically produce a Buddhist Final Destination moment, I’d rather play it safe than sorry and consider all my actions, remain mindful in their doing, and ensure there is intent in all of my manifestation. That is afterall, the key to magic!

Magick is the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will.” – Aleister Crowley.

SATE 2020 Essential Music Playlist

A recurring theme of the year 2020 was putting into consideration what is ‘essential’, and what is not. Music is always essential, at least to my life, and while many have turned their nose up to 2020 considering it a year to dismiss, the music that came out was anything but dismissable.

You may not be familiar with much of the music on this playlist, and that is what I strove for in curating this collection. I hope to introduce you to some new artists and sounds, or if familiar, at least rekindle your love for them. These artists were the soundtracks to my year, and I chose a song from each album an artist released. The 40 track playlist was designed to flow and journeys through various genres, so try expanding your appreciation of new sounds. Throw this playlist on when you get a chance and enjoy the trip through this year’s wonderful sonic arts and the brilliant sound of 2020’s essential music.